From Demi to Alyssa

Back in April, not long after I had started chemo, I had to shave my head. It was difficult task but one that was necessary due to the side effects of the drugs. I cried at the loss of self image. I put on a wonderful wig and to people that I didn't know, they were oblivious to the fact that my hair was not my own. I felt normal once again. I wanted people to see me, not the cancer.
As the chemotherapy was coming to an end my own hair started to slowly grow back. It takes time. Everyday I found myself examining it's length. I'm not very patient!
Whilst at the Beatson, I would regularly see women without scarves, hats or wigs. I envied them in their boldness to show the world. I wasn't that brave.
I started to become used to the new 'cropped' look, even when it was grey! It was only going out that I continued to wear my wig. At home I rarely wore it. I really couldn't wait to feel comfortable enough with the shortness to take the wig off completely. My impatience saw me buy some hair dyes (well there was no way I was uncovering this greyness!). I had a henna one, a non chemical one and a chemical one. It was a new dilemma. Should I just go for it? Some may wonder what was the problem, but I was worried about the non chemical dyes not taking and worried about the harshness of the chemical one (it is advised that you wait 6 months after chemo before dying your hair). I'm not very good at following rules, it is the small rebel in me. I opted for the chemicals. My rational was that the non chemicals probably wouldn't take and I would end up using the chemicals anyway on top  of some strange coloured rinse!
I looked for inspiration for my new look and it came in the form of the beautiful Alyssa Milano, the actress from one of my favourite shows "Charmed". Her pixie look hairstyle stunned her fans who were used to seeing her long dark locks, but I thought it really suited her.
So Friday night came. I dyed my hair. I was uncertain of the redness. I was uncertain of the shortness.  I took my children to their karate lessons on saturday and peeled off my wig in the toilets to show my friends. With their positive response, I too felt positive and that afternoon the wig finally came off.
Me and my family headed to my sisters house for a September barbie. It was the perfect day. I felt free. Even though my hair is still too short to style and I'm no Alyssa Milano, I like knowing that it is my own hair. It's me again!

The future choice

I am not a political person. I have never fully understood politics or economics. In fact, I generally shied away from them even when I had to do these subjects in university. I quickly dumped them in favour of studying psychology and sociology. But I have realised over the years that to shy away, to not even try to understand, is itself, a political choice. I was leaving the choice to those that did choose to vote or to make their political voice heard. But what about my voice, my opinions? Even though I don't fully understand the in's and out's of the political world, and I often say nothing for fear that I embarrass myself, I was allowing other people to create the world they wanted. 

Not doing something through fear of what 'might' happen, or of looking/sounding silly, or believing that it won't matter what I say/do, won't cut it anymore. My recent health issue has impacted my life in so many ways...I guess I have 'grown up' a lot. It has made me look at the world in a very different way. I'm not so scared to voice my opinion, to leave my mark in this world. I'm not so worried about what I think other people will think, as long as what I say and do is done with my best intentions for my fellow beings.

So where is all this going? Well as I filled in my indyref postal voting form this week I questioned whether to discuss it here at all. Did my opinion re independence figure at all in this blog?...well I guess it does.

For such a long time now I have been learning, researching, trying to understand the world around me. I have read about controversy, health, big corp, money and the ordinary person. Some things I have read have shocked, stunned and disgusted me. Our western world just isn't working for the needs of the ordinary person. It is working for the top 1% only. And while you may feel quite happy purchasing your latest iPhone or pair of Manolo Blahniks, please know that the wool is being quite firmly being pulled over your eyes. Our need to consume helps to drown out the inner voices that tell you all is not right with this way of life. 

While I was being treated for this disease I thought "why me?" Why was my life and the life of so many victims to this disease affected, what choices had I made that led me to this? I do believe that our so called 'healthy' lifestyles and 'balanced' diets are simply reflection of what the large corporations want us to eat. They are not healthy or balanced. I've done my research and I've made my changes.

And while I received scan after scan and treatment after treatment, I didn't need to think about cost or insurance, or whether I could afford to get the prescription medications that I needed, because the Scottish health service provided a first class service that I am deeply grateful for. This is not a service we want to lose. Most people do not realise how good it is until they need to use the inferior health services of another country. And so, while I watch as the NHS in England is rapidly being privatised and where people have to decide what medications they can afford to buy...I vote YES to save the Scottish NHS and free prescriptions. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tories-want-privatise-nhs-cuts-3102993

I am also grateful for the higher education that I received, that gave me the skills and academic knowledge which has helped to serve our talented Scottish workforce. I want the same thing for my children. I have voted YES to protect their right to the same education that I had without a lifetime of debt.

I also want to know that by the age I retire, both the health and pension services that we have been helping to build, will be there to support me in my elder years. So I will vote YES to protect this. 

These are the main issues that I am concerned about that have attracted my attention and vote. I feel quite strongly that if we are currently not better together now, then it is unlikely that a UK government that we haven't voted for is the right one to lead us into the future. It would be like staying in a bad marriage because your too frightened of the financial repercussions and the risk to let it go.

I firmly believe the risk will be one worth taking to build a great future. Quite frankly, I'm pretty sick of the scaremongering and lies from the UK government. I won't go into them here, but they are not too hard to uncover. I'm fed up struggling for a bigger share of the pie that ends up on the top 1% plates. It is time to build a fairer country. I think the Scottish people are truly inspiring. I have been inspired by the grassroots initiative that that led this campaign. People like me, that simply want a better, fairer way of life. I love it that we have shaken off our apathy, we are finally awake and we are getting our voices heard. 

Here is my voice...I have voted YES!

The Wee Blue Book Link

Pat Kane & Dr Philippa Whitford @ YES Clarkston Q&A