From Demi to Alyssa

Back in April, not long after I had started chemo, I had to shave my head. It was difficult task but one that was necessary due to the side effects of the drugs. I cried at the loss of self image. I put on a wonderful wig and to people that I didn't know, they were oblivious to the fact that my hair was not my own. I felt normal once again. I wanted people to see me, not the cancer.
As the chemotherapy was coming to an end my own hair started to slowly grow back. It takes time. Everyday I found myself examining it's length. I'm not very patient!
Whilst at the Beatson, I would regularly see women without scarves, hats or wigs. I envied them in their boldness to show the world. I wasn't that brave.
I started to become used to the new 'cropped' look, even when it was grey! It was only going out that I continued to wear my wig. At home I rarely wore it. I really couldn't wait to feel comfortable enough with the shortness to take the wig off completely. My impatience saw me buy some hair dyes (well there was no way I was uncovering this greyness!). I had a henna one, a non chemical one and a chemical one. It was a new dilemma. Should I just go for it? Some may wonder what was the problem, but I was worried about the non chemical dyes not taking and worried about the harshness of the chemical one (it is advised that you wait 6 months after chemo before dying your hair). I'm not very good at following rules, it is the small rebel in me. I opted for the chemicals. My rational was that the non chemicals probably wouldn't take and I would end up using the chemicals anyway on top  of some strange coloured rinse!
I looked for inspiration for my new look and it came in the form of the beautiful Alyssa Milano, the actress from one of my favourite shows "Charmed". Her pixie look hairstyle stunned her fans who were used to seeing her long dark locks, but I thought it really suited her.
So Friday night came. I dyed my hair. I was uncertain of the redness. I was uncertain of the shortness.  I took my children to their karate lessons on saturday and peeled off my wig in the toilets to show my friends. With their positive response, I too felt positive and that afternoon the wig finally came off.
Me and my family headed to my sisters house for a September barbie. It was the perfect day. I felt free. Even though my hair is still too short to style and I'm no Alyssa Milano, I like knowing that it is my own hair. It's me again!