Happy what day?

My apologies for blog neglect. My only excuse is that I felt awful and small tasks seemed enormous. 

So I guess I have some catching up to do. Last Tuesday (29th) I had a pretty busy day. A pelvic scan to see if I can get a laparoscopic removal of ovaries/uterus when the time is right...thanks to the BRCA2 gene mutation, I need to reduce my risk of cancer in this area too!

I also had my bloods done and spoke to the oncologist. He never looks that happy to see me! I am the patient from hell! I really complained about the side effects from the last cycle of chemo. I explained about the sheer burning gastric hell that was mine for almost two weeks. He considered cutting out the steroids only but I felt I needed a dose reduction and he reluctantly agreed. I really just wanted to scream "try it for your bloody self and see how you cope!"...but I didn't...I smiled politely and said thanks! My breast care nurse was once again supportive and she agreed I had to do what was right for me...to see this through.

Day 1 of chemo cycle 3 arrived the next day. I had a friend with me so I was ushered to a side bay. As I watched the red and clear poison being injected I prayed the reduced dose might let me off a bit lighter than last time...but it didn't!

Well to be honest, at first I thought it had. I felt nausea, took my usual anti-emetics and omeprazole, I even had an anti-anxiety tab to try and I went to bed as usual. The symptoms at first seemed more manageable than the last time. As the days passed however, I could feel the gastric acid starting once again to rise. Boaking became my new pastime! I had really thought that by day four I would be ok but I just stayed in bed...it was my birthday! My poor hubby and children tried to make me feel better with cards, presents and a
cake. I smiled weakly at them and felt guilty for feeling crap!

I broke my heart on Sunday. It was the Race for Life. I so wanted to do it wearing a bright pink wig but instead I looked at the pics of others doing it and cried! It was a real low point. 

My sister tried to brighten my mood by bringing me lovely presents and a fab cake. The cake had a hand made (by sis) Wonder Woman model to try to remind me to be strong. It wasn't so easy this time to relate to when I felt so rotten.

The side effects of chemotherapy are not really fully understood or researched. While oncologists try to manage symptoms as best as possible most patients simply suffer in silence at home in bed hoping that it'll pass and thinking this is chemo, this is what I need to accept.

Getting some doggie support!

Many people feel really low during chemo, depressed even and I for one know how this feels. It is very hard having people trying to support you while you feel truly ghastly and helpless while at the same time keep a smile on your face for the kids or those that pop in to see you. I believe that the while the drugs making you feel bloody awful are a large part, I also feel that the toxic effects on the brain and your emotions are at play too...simply making it all seem worse. A great deal more research needs to be done on managing side effects and therapeutic dosage levels.

I'm going to see my GP again today to see if she can offer any other support to help with this gastritis. My concern is that I'm already on all the drugs that are advised for this condition and I am already doing all the right things that one with gastritis should do. The main problem though, is one would generally stop taking the 'things' (drug, alcohol, spicy foods, etc) that cause the problem...for me that is the chemo and I still have 3 more cycles to go...so I'm struggling to look ahead at the mo and remain positive.