Done!

Yesterday morning I walked in to the Beatson Radiotherapy Treatment Room H for the last of my sessions. It was a great and positive feeling to come to this point. I did it!
Today is the start of the rest of my life. Yes, I still have some surgery to go through, but I see those as recovery events which will help to keep me healthy and cancer free.
I am not a victim of cancer. In fact, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned. I am grateful for the wonderful body and health that I have and feel. I am grateful for each beautiful day that I am here on this planet to see and be with my wonderful family. I am grateful for all the lovely things that have manifested in my life. I am grateful for the gorgeous friends that I have, those that I have met during this journey and for those that will be part of it in the future. I am grateful for the experiences that have taught me to let go of the small, insignificant fears that keep us in the past or worrying about the future. So, I guess, as difficult as the experience was, I am grateful for my wake up call to see the silver lining that was always there, even when I couldn't see it.
And yes, it is all a bit soppy...so here is my sister's ice bucket challenge to give you a little giggle!

Click on the link - Neet's Ice Bucket Challenge

Scary stuff

I was not in a good place yesterday. The memory and reaction to first being told about this nasty little disease was re-enacted. It started out as any other day. Up and out bright and early for my radiotherapy treatment, some brief shopping and home. All good until an envelope came through my door. It was an appointment for a repeat CT. I asked my breast care nurse why I needed this scan and she casually said "well you know how you have a pericardial node, it's to check on it post treatment". Well, I was gobsmacked...and panicked. What did this mean? Was I riddled? What else had I not been told?  I couldn't talk any more, I had to think, but this made it worse. I was fuming that I hadn't been told. I called her back and told her that no-one had told me about this. She tried to calm me down but it wasn't working...I needed more info. She tried to get one of the oncologists but we couldn't track her down. Eventually, an email was sent requesting her to call me, but I went to bed anxious and scared.

Today I went as usual for my radiotherapy. I spoke to the therapists and told them what had happened. They too tried to contact an oncologist but he was in a meeting so I asked him to call me in the afternoon. I was worried that the day would pass and I would face a weekend of worry. Eventually I got a call. It was from the oncologist that I don't relate to very well, but he was a great help. After several apologies for me not being told (to be honest it was not oncology's fault anyway), he explained that the node was tiny and on the opposite side from my affected side with nothing in between which meant that it was likely to be unrelated and being so small likely to be nothing (it is normal to have nodules around body that are nothing at all). As it was flagged up by the CT it would be rechecked. And there was nothing else seen on any scans. Well I was relieved to say the least. I hadn't been told because they didn't think it was anything. Phew! For now at least! I'm going to keep my fingers (and toes) crossed anyway.

Alive

Went out for my second run this morning. Another 3.5 miles. Feeling good. 

This is how I feel today. Put this song on and have a wee dance around the room...I did!

Click on the link - Alive!

The road to health

The road ahead

So today I went out on my first run since January and all this nasty business of feeling bad...and it felt great! I ran and did some walking too so that Lexi could sniff every blade of grass. Three and a half miles. Surprisingly, it felt relatively easy. It didn't feel like I had been through what I had for the last eight months. Sure, my muscles will be a bit sore tomorrow...but it's a good sore...a sore that reflects that I'm on the road to health again.

It was also a great day as I met up with friends and their children for a picnic before the schools go back and we all continue in our routines which restart once the holidays are over. Or should I say ahead instead of go back? Ahead to the new academic year...ahead to a fresh start...ahead to a recovered me.

More steps along the way

So I started Tamoxifen...and stopped. Why?..Quite simply, I felt bloody awful. One of the side effects is nausea and vomiting which can last a few months before it settles. Well I guess with me being my usual drug sensitive way I started to feel slightly nauseous on the first day of taking it. I persevered for a few more but as I had also started radiotherapy, I just didn't feel that I could cope. I hoped the feeling would settle but it was only getting worse. To be honest, I am not happy about the long term side effects from this drug either but on a positive note, most research points to good recurrence prevention. I am scared, I can't deny it. I don't want to live under this constant shadow, so I need to discuss my options with my oncologist.
As mentioned, I started radiotherapy too. My appointments are first thing in the morning so that I can get back to the children to let my husband get to work. I am tired with the travelling and early starts but compared to the chemo...well, it's a walk in the park! I've also found that if I put my Kindle books onto audio, I can drive and listen to my favourite books at the same time, so I'm quite happy.
The staff at the Beatson are very friendly and professional. It is easy for a new patient to worry about radiotherapy when you don't know what to expect. But the staff are relaxed and approachable, so I feel I have been able to ask whatever questions that have been worrying me. They also do regular image and dose checks to make sure that you are given the right amount of radiation and there are always two members of staff to check your treatment, so I feel pretty reassured.

I am also doing pretty well cutting out the animal products from my diet. I feel good, happier, healthier and I can see my skin improving again. I still need to step up on my water intake and some essential minerals and vitamins that I want to supplement. People that don't take animal products need vitamin B12, so that is a necessity.

Research on prevention of ill health shows that maintaining a low stress level is important. Research is pretty clear that stress can impact on our immune and cardiovascular systems. So, I'm adding some Reiki and meditation in as often as I can. This can be difficult at night as I tend to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow! One thing that I have found to be extremely helpful at reducing stress and worry, is remaining in the now. Your point of power is right now. Right at this moment. You can't change the past, it's done. There is little point worrying about the future, about what might happen. That time isn't here yet, so worrying won't help. But now, now is what is here. Now you can appreciate what you have. Now you can do what needs to be done. Now you can chose something better. Now you can think that all is ok...and it is!

click on the link  -Research on stress and cancer