Scary stuff

I was not in a good place yesterday. The memory and reaction to first being told about this nasty little disease was re-enacted. It started out as any other day. Up and out bright and early for my radiotherapy treatment, some brief shopping and home. All good until an envelope came through my door. It was an appointment for a repeat CT. I asked my breast care nurse why I needed this scan and she casually said "well you know how you have a pericardial node, it's to check on it post treatment". Well, I was gobsmacked...and panicked. What did this mean? Was I riddled? What else had I not been told?  I couldn't talk any more, I had to think, but this made it worse. I was fuming that I hadn't been told. I called her back and told her that no-one had told me about this. She tried to calm me down but it wasn't working...I needed more info. She tried to get one of the oncologists but we couldn't track her down. Eventually, an email was sent requesting her to call me, but I went to bed anxious and scared.

Today I went as usual for my radiotherapy. I spoke to the therapists and told them what had happened. They too tried to contact an oncologist but he was in a meeting so I asked him to call me in the afternoon. I was worried that the day would pass and I would face a weekend of worry. Eventually I got a call. It was from the oncologist that I don't relate to very well, but he was a great help. After several apologies for me not being told (to be honest it was not oncology's fault anyway), he explained that the node was tiny and on the opposite side from my affected side with nothing in between which meant that it was likely to be unrelated and being so small likely to be nothing (it is normal to have nodules around body that are nothing at all). As it was flagged up by the CT it would be rechecked. And there was nothing else seen on any scans. Well I was relieved to say the least. I hadn't been told because they didn't think it was anything. Phew! For now at least! I'm going to keep my fingers (and toes) crossed anyway.