About Me

I am just like you...an average woman. I'm married to a loving, supportive husband with two fantastic children and a cheeky, happy dog. I was in the throes of building my cake design business when my life changed and the path I thought I was walking suddenly veered off down somewhere scary, dark and unfamiliar. This is my story and journey...

The Story So Far

When something not so good happens it's quite natural to ask 'why me?' Sometimes there are reasons or choices you have made that lead you to your current situation, sometimes there are not.

Nine years ago my lovely sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a severe blow to us all. I remember feeling helpless and unsure of what words I could say to make things better. We all watched though as she bravely worked her way through surgery, chemo and radiation without barely a complaint. She sure showed breast cancer the door and over the years has been actively raising money for research, supporting others as a running coach, lecturing and now also currently doing a PhD about breast cancer and exercise.

My sister was aware that our Italian grandmother (on our father's side) may have also had breast ca so she pushed to be genetically screened. The result was positive for the BRCA2 gene. Living under the constant veil of fear, waiting on cancer rearing it's ugly head ahead she made the brave decision to go ahead with prophylactic surgery. As before, she is successfully and speedily, making her way back to normality.

My sister likes to nag (or maybe I should say nudge you along) and she discussed the benefits to me of taking the test too. Where my children come into the picture I will always strive to make decisions that will benefit them, so I guess there really was no option..I needed to know. 

I remember the morning I took the test. I listened to the soft spoken, kind eyed genetic counsellor explain all about it. I assured her I wanted the test, after all, cancer couldn't, wouldn't be part of my life!

I don't recall asking the universe for this...

When the phone rang on the 30th December, my husband handed me the phone, "it's someone called Sarah". With a puzzled look I answered the phone and when she started to talk I realized it was the genetic counsellor. She was apologetic, sorry to be calling before New Year, unsure whether I wanted to know the outcome of the test during the festive period. I assured her I am not the type of person that likes to wait, after all, I felt I knew the outcome would be negative (there is a 50/50 chance if the gene is in your family tree) cancer wouldn't be part of my timeline...right!?

"I'm sorry the result is positive." Sarah's words hung in the air. I felt confused, uncertain. It was a blow that I was unprepared for and I needed time to re-evaluate my thoughts on the matter.

I saw the counsellor the next day, Hogmanay. I guessed I wouldn't be celebrating much that night. I cried that day in her office as I told her that this wasn't supposed to be. Sarah patiently, and professionally outlined all my options..regular mammograms/ultrasounds, drugs such as Tamoxifen or prophylactic surgery. I already knew my answer, it was prophylactic surgery to reduce the risk as much as I could (for me there was no doubt, I wanted to be there for my family).

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/type/breast-cancer/about/risks/breast-cancer-genes

Really!

It took me a while to get my head around this whole BRCA2 thing. Why? It's not fair? I was just getting round to a level of acceptance and the referral letters for the breast, gyn and plastics were arriving which was helping me to come to terms with this whole nastiness. 

On the week before my first visit with the consultant to discuss it all, I felt a lump. A cold panic swept over me. I tried to reassure myself that, that side was always lumpy...but a nagging feeling wouldn't go away, even after my sister tried to reassure me.

On the 31st January I headed to see the consultant. I kept telling myself that cancer is not part of my timeline. I sat looking around the waiting room wondering what people were there for, what stage were they in treatment?

One lady left looking delighted - clear for another year!

I was finally taken. The consultant was warm, friendly, motherly almost. She had no sooner examined me before she quickly disappeared out of the room. I was worried. She came back announcing she had organised a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy right away.

The mammogram was like a painful torture chamber. I almost fainted because I held my breath so long during each long, bloody, tightening squeeze. I imagined squeezing the testicles of the man who designed the damn machine inside the plates of it, smiling with each tightening. Well it helped to distract me for a bit. The biopsy was a walk in the park in comparison. During it all, I was aware that the staffs' overall manner moved from efficiency to sympathy...I knew then what I was going to hear next.

The Worst News In The World!

...and then she told me the worst news I have ever received, ever! "You have cancer" She was emphatic, supportive all you could want when hearing those ugly words but, those words were all I could hear.

The next week passed in a stressed blur. Trying to reach some state of acceptance I overhauled my diet completely (I discuss this in another post). I was going to remain in control, stay positive. I distracted myself with the diet changes and letting close friends/family know. My sister was nagging..I mean giving me snippets of positive advice! I knew she meant well as did my close friends but I guess my journey along that uncertain path had truly commenced and I felt scared for me and my lovely family.